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Add a pinch of salt to all this romance malarkey with an array of anti-Valentine's parties, comedy gigs and concerts... Singletons need not despair: there are plenty of things to do in London if you fancy putting two fingers up at Cupid. And with Valentine's Day falling on a Tuesday, there are much better things to be doing over the weekend than forking out for a three-course meal and a dozen red roses at the local Bella Pasta...

Club De Fromage Valentines Special

O2 Academy Islington, London, N1 0PS
11th February 2012

Club De Fromage comes over all soppy for one special night in February to celebrate the season of love. With plenty of fist clenching power ballads and weepy tear-jerkers local lotharios Fat Tony and Alfie will keep you loved up until the early hours. Their very own Cupid will be flying in to make an appearance and the evening will be topped off with a balloon drop and confetti canon turning the O2 Islington Academy into a full on smoochfest. It's gonna be like your year 7 disco all over again, except your mum probably won't be picking you up this time.

More info: Club De Fromage Valentines Special Map, Prices, Opening Times and Nearest Tube

**F*ck Valentine's**

Proud Camden, London, NW1 8AH
14th February 2012

Arm yourselves with friends and get down to Proud Camden for F*ck Valentine's - the ultimate in anti-Valentine's day parties. There will be music from Beega (reggae/dnb/dubstep), Alecto's Lions (live band) and Snail Trail (funk/reggae/rock). There will also be a traffic light party - perfect for singles on the lookout for love.

More info: F*ck Valentine's Map, Prices, Opening Times and Nearest Tube

Anti Valentine's Day: Fatal Attraction

The Screen on the Green, London, N1 0NP
14th February 2012

Want some tips on how NOT to get a guy this Valentine's, then get down to Screen on the Green and learn from Hollywood's ultimate bunny boiler in Fatal Attraction. Dan (Michael Douglas) thinks he can have his cake and eat it too when he embarks on a tawdry affair with Alex (Glenn Close), but he gets a little more than he bargained for when his love struck 'other woman' decides not to take no for an answer and launches a campaign of terror in a bid to regain his affections. Thrilling, psychotic and utterly unromantic, this 80's classic is enough to put you off relationships for life.

More info: Anti Valentine's Day: Fatal Attraction Map, Prices, Opening Times and Nearest Tube

Die Freche Muse Valentine's Special

The George Tavern, London, E1 0LA
11th February 2012

For an alternative way to celebrate Valentine's Day (or the Valentine's period, seeing as the 14th falls on a Tuesday this year), why not head down to The George Tavern in East London for a Valentine's Special from Die Freche Muse. An intimate and melancholic singles evening, this is strictly not for couples. Enjoy mysterious burlesque dancers and singers performing dark and disconsolate numbers - billed as 'the perfect antidote for lost loves and broken hearts'. The dress code is strictly dressed up vintage 1900's-1940's - absolutely no jeans or trainers.

More info: Die Freche Muse Valentine's Special Map, Prices, Opening Times and Nearest Tube

Unskinny Bop

Bethnal Green Working Men's Club, London, E2 6NB
17th February 2012

Here's a chance for all you misfits, non-conformists and generally lovely party people to indulge in a little judgement free disco dancing this Valentine's. The good people at Bethnal Green Working Men's Club always know how to throw a great party and they created the Unskinny Bop as a queer disco for misfits of all persuasions, shapes and sizes. They strongly encourage frenzied dancing, loveliness, smiling and revelling in awkwardness and geekery but will not tolerate bitching or aloofness. Music promises to span all genres and decades from Cyndi Lauper to The Smiths and Beyonce to Bruce Springsteen.

More info: Unskinny Bop Map, Prices, Opening Times and Nearest Tube

Morricone In Love

Rich Mix Centre, London, E1 6LA
14th February 2012

Fusing live music with cinema, Morricone In Love is a Valentine's Day production that features some of Ennio Morricone's earliest film scores with striking visuals from the best Italian erotic thrillers of the 60s. Held at the Rich Mix Centre, live music is provided by F'eatre, a five-piece Italian band who combine guitars, drums, live bass, keyboard, clarinet, saxophone, trumpets and much more. You've heard Morricone's Spaghetti Western scores, now this is a great opportunity to hear some of his less familiar work - whilst gawping at the sight of women wrestling with giant eels and 60 year olds engaging in mass orgies!

More info: Morricone In Love Map, Prices, Opening Times and Nearest Tube

The Orphanage Valentine's Masked Ball

Adam Street Private Members Club, WC2N 6AA
18th February 2012

Masks are essential at this sultry and seductive singles ball at the intimate Adam Street members club. With a dress code of 'divine decadence' ('masks obligatory, clothes optional'), you can expect the unexpected as London's singletons drink and dance the night away in the company of eccentric DJs spinning anything from big band to classical. Also, arrive at the ball one hour early and you'll be treated to a dance tutorial in waltz, swing and pole dancing - meaning that you can master your moves before the rest of the crowd arrives.

More info: The Orphanage Valentine's Masked Ball Map, Prices, Opening Times and Nearest Tube

F* Valentine - Just Party**

Kanaloa, EC4A 3BQ
14th February 2012

Love it or loathe it Valentine's Day is just around the corner, but for those of you who loath it why not F*** Valentine - Just Party! Click Tonight are ensuring all singletons can embrace the day and indulge in some escapism from the sickly sweet events surrounding the city, in fact those wearing red may even be refused entry. Taking place at tropical club Kanaloa there will be plenty or cocktails flowing, special entertainment and the chance to dance the night away with fellow singletons.

More info: F*** Valentine - Just Party Map, Prices, Opening Times and Nearest Tube