Don't Box Me In

Do Road Markings on the Tube Signal Trouble for Travellers?

Taking the Tube around London can be pretty nightmarish. I’ve often found myself teetering precariously on the edge of a platform in the close company of hoards of other weary commuters equalling, in mass, the entire population of the Isle of White, holding my breath in case a sudden exhalation of air sends someone topping off the platform into the path of a 50-year old train with brakes as sharp as sludge. There are times when, crammed into a warren of tiny tunnels, with everyone battling for that prime position opposite the one door that might possibly yield a couple of spare inches for an inhumanly skinny body to squeeze into, in sheer desperation, thoughts stray to extreme solutions… the wholesale banning of anyone with a bulging rucksack, buggy, bag, or belly, is a regular fantasy of mine.

Even so, the discovery that Transport for London have started to adorn Tube platforms with intersection style “box junctions”, to prevent pedestrians from lingering in areas prone to congestion, is verging on the ludicrous. Are a few yellow lines painted on the floor really going to prevent 100s of swarming, sweaty, city-slickers from hovering around the stairwells? From my experience it’s virtually impossible to see your feet during rush hour on the Tube – let alone spot an open expanse of floor with a neatly painted, grid-like formation strategically placed at irregular intervals along the platform. And even if you did happen to spot it, who in their right mind is going to obey it – especially when doing so is bound to cause congestion elsewhere? And what are the penalties if they don’t? Rather than investing in more trains, better tracks and rolling stock, TfL could, instead, employ hundreds of designated individuals to linger on platforms (taking up valuable space), whose sole purpose is to monitor all box junctions, issuing fines and tickets for those who linger unnecessarily or fail to check that the platform ahead is clear before entering the sacred yellow zone.

In any case, the main culprits of inappropriate platform placement are tourists who, as soon as they emerge enthusiastically from the stairs onto a platform, remain doggedly fixed to the spot directly adjacent to the stairwell. Fear of getting lost, losing their place and / or travelling companion, and an understandable reluctance to drag hefty luggage any further than is necessary, result in a firm decision not to explore a platform’s distant extremities. A yellow pattern on the floor is unlikely to make them change this practice – in fact it’s more likely to encourage tourists to linger and capture, on state-of-the-art digital cameras, photographs of this quaint example of English eccentricity.

I also can’t help worrying about what comes next. Today box junctions on platforms, tomorrow… traffic lights at ticket barriers? Slow lanes for amblers and shufflers? Overtaking lanes for runners, rushers and muggers? Speed limits on escalators (which incidentally currently fly along at a dizzy speed of approximately 1.65 miles per hour)? Hard shoulders for those with dehydration, exhaustion, minor injuries or split carrier bags?

Last year a record level of 976 million total passenger rides were carried out on London’s antiquated underground system. This means an average of 2.67 million journeys per day. You’re not going to be able to control this relentless and ever-expanding rush of bodies with a few nicely painted yellow lines on the floor. The only real solution is, surely, more / better trains; trains reliable and regular enough to ensure a constant, easy flow of travellers throughout a system that forms the backbone of this thriving city. Come on TfL, think outside the box please.

Price of Egg is no Yolk

A diamond-encased Easter egg, valued at approximately £50,000, went on display this month in La Maison du Chocolat on Piccadilly. 100 half-carat diamonds adorn the Diamond Stella Egg, which is two feet high and filled with apricot chocolate, peach and pralines.

Potter Portrait Goes On Show

Harry Potter star, Daniel Radcliffe, has become the youngest non-royal to get his portrait displayed at the National Portrait Gallery. The picture forms part of an exhibition entitled ‘Most People Are Other People, Portraits of Actors from Britain and Ireland’. The actor was 14 and had just embarked on the fourth Potter film when he posed for the drawing by Stuart Pearson Wright.

Nelson Gets Facelift

Restoration work on Trafalgar Square’s iconic Nelson’s Column got underway this month. Scaffolding erected around the statue will enable restorers to carry out a facelift on the entire column as well as Nelson himself. It’s only the third time the whole of the Grade 1 listed monument has undergone restoration.

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