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The Stuff Dreams Are Made Of 10th May 2007
But is it strictly necessary to put it on television?
London has always been well-loved for its musicals but I fear Saturday night television is threatening to make a mockery of our revered stage shows. 'Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat' and 'Grease' have entered the fray that is reality television to find the stars who will take on the leading roles in these productions. The fact that Andrew Lloyd Webber - the very epitome of West End success (we can forgive him for 'Cats') - is leading this affront on the Beeb makes it even more horrifying.

I knew we were in trouble when they insisted on going ahead (all this despite my screams of "please make it stop") with 'How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria' to find the title role for the stage production of 'The Sound of Music'. The "problem", as they so aptly described it, did not need Lloyd Webber and his band of merry musical thespies to solve it; it was altogether more simple than that and involved the hills decidedly not being alive with the sound of music but running for them instead. I mean, I'm sure Connie Fisher makes a very believable Maria but there is something inherently wrong about ten wide-smiled women dressing up in aprons and singing about their favourite things.

And now it's all happening again - there's no escape from this drivel on Saturday nights as the BBC and ITV battle it out for ratings. In 'Grease is the Word' (ITV's no-hint-of-irony offering) you can tune into lots of starry-eyed gazing and jazz hands for the parts of Danny and Sandy or switch over to see 'Any Dream Will Do' with a worrying line-up of wannabe Josephs singing 'I closed my eyes, ah-ah-aaaah'. Both are equally soul-destroying but maybe the Joseph one just has the edge for worst TV show in the history of the world because it does that thing that the BBC does so well - takes itself far too seriously. Let's face it - Andrew Lloyd Webber (sorry to bring him up again) is no Simon Cowell and should really have stayed firmly and discreetly and behind the curtains of The Adelphi Theatre.

The thing is I'm not usually one of those people who turns my nose up at the shockingly low culture of reality TV shows. In fact, I'd go so far as to say that I'm a self-confessed fan - 'Wife Swap', that one where the posh blonde woman rips hotels to shreds and not to mention 'X Factor' have all provided me with endless hours of amusement. But it's gone too far - the producers have crossed the line so unequivocally that someone... anyone needs to shout (in the immortal words of Ross from 'Friends') 'the line is a dot to you'.

We have indeed come a long way from the days when Jason Donovan graced the West End stage in 'Joseph' - I'm not talking about talent here but he was Scott in 'Neighbours' for goodness sake. He had street cred and now all we've got is a bunch of boy band look-alikes hoping to get their big break. Now there's an idea - if all else fails they could probably have a number one hit with 'Close Every Door', as heard in the hit musical.* But that's another reality TV show altogether...

*Philip Schofield has already tried this but that was in 1992 and he didn't have a megabucks show to launch him to stardom.
Indulging is Good For You
We all know how us Londoners love a bit of organic so news of a fresh foodstore sprouting up is balm to our souls. The Natural Kitchen on Marylebone High Street does exactly what it says on the tin – nothing artificial will pass its doors; even the grapes in the wine must be oh-so-healthy...
Art for the Masses
The Royal Opera House is offering its free, open-air screenings once again. The key word here is 'screenings' – don't make the mistake of thinking there'll be any real-life performers in the squares and parks of London for these events. The trick is to go prepared with a waterproof poncho and a cushion – that way you'll be able to survive sitting on concrete and the certain rainfall while sensible people hobnob inside the 'House'.
Pushing 60 and Looking It
For a £150,000 makeover you'd expect something a bit better than grey hair and crow's feet but this is exactly what Prince Charles got at Madame Tussauds when his waxwork was updated. Word from the museum is that the new-look Charles has more character – that's their story and they're sticking to it - but that his body has been recycled from his 1989 self.
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By George
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2007
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Losing Face
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London the Musical
21st May
What Lurks Beneath
10th May
The Stuff Dreams Are Made Of
27th April
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20th April
Stand Behind the Yellow Line
13th April
Like Water for Chocolate
23rd March
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16th February
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9th February
Live Earth London
26th January
A Vote for Shilpa is a Vote for Britain
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2006
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Curvaceous Border
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21st April
The Camden Crawl
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Down the Pan
13th April
I Want to Break Free
9th April
Big Brother seems to have been left in a bar somewhere
7th April
Don't Box Me In
24th March
Political Correctness Reaches New Heights
24th February
A Stadium's Tale: Cup Final Goes West
17th February
Modern Musicals are Rubbish
10th February
The City-Side Alliance
20th January
February Sales
20th January
Moby Sick
13th January
Glass Half Full
3rd January
Three Cheers for the Tube Station Workers
2005
22nd December
January Bites
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A Remarkable Year
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And a Partridge in a JCB
11th November
Driving Miss Sadie
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14th October
Final Resting Place for Young British Artists
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9th September
DRINK! DRINK! DRINK!
2nd September
The Free Tenor
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20th August
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10th August
Mystery Play is No Sell Out
29th July
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22nd July
Get loaded in the park
15th July
Victoire!!
24th June
New Balls, Please
17th June
The End of an Unsightly Era
10th June
The Hooded Law
31st May
Widespread Diso-’Beeb’-ience
20th May
Pass the Pepper Spray
20th May
Black Theatre Breakthrough
27th April
Five More Years
20th April
Dancing with Idiots
12th April
A Youthful Look at the Theatre
30th March
Musical Communion
23rd March
Big Guns Back in Town
10th March
Celebs in the City
28th February
There's no business like showbusiness!
22nd February
Ken You Believe It?
10th February
Make Poverty History
28th January
Loving It!
21st January
The Great West End Ticketing Scandal
14th January
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2004
30th December
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23rd December
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16th December
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28th November
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21st November
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22nd October
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From Art to Ashes
2nd July
One Hurdle Nearer to Gold
 
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