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Red Ken versus Blonde Boris
Red Ken versus Blonde Boris
13th July 2007
The best ever Mayoral elections
Hartlepool elected a monkey, and Middlesbrough chose Robocop, but there may never yet have been a mayoral election quite as entertaining as the one that is about to happen in our fair city. In their search for a C-list political celebrity to match our Ken, they’ve tried a few on for size – Greg Dyke, Mike ‘Smashie’ Read and good old Steven Norris – but have finally selected everyone’s favourite cartoon toff Boris Johnson.
Since the two candidates to control London’s £4.7 billion annual budget have been selected on their ability to come up with lively quips on Have I Got News For You, we might have a mayoral debate worth watching. They could get Angus Deayton to chair it (though given their reputations, it might be a mistake to put him and Boris in the same room as the Green Party’s lovely Mayoral candidate Sian Berry).
Based on their pasts, it seems quite likely that one or both of the candidates will have to drop out of the race, after some fabulous scandal involving Jewish reporters, bicycles, Liverpudlians, sex, and newts, but if they do both make it to the last day, we may have a real contest on our hands for the very first time.
A straw poll of my London friends reveals that Boris is considerably more lovable – and disturbingly, some of my Sloanier acquaintance even think he’s quite sexy – but that nobody would trust him to organise anything more complicated than a jug of Pimm’s, or possibly some kind of punting trip. On the other hand, everyone agrees that Ken has a horrible voice, which we’re all tired of hearing, and that if Boris did make a total cock-up of the city, he’d do it in an incredibly amusing way. As you can see, politics is debated at the highest possible level chez Nelson.
And we’re also all agreed that there is more to Johnson than his cheery chubbiness. It can’t have escaped Ken’s notice that on top of that cuddly body sits a head that is almost precisely the same shape as London’s City Hall – surely a good omen for Cameron’s comedy candidate.
What a Mob!
St Paul’s Cathedral is well-versed in the art of spectacles but even Charles and Diana’s wedding would be hard-pushed to beat the latest ‘flash mob’ event. This craze of taking part in bonkers group activities has officially hit London and the stunt in question involved clubbers bopping on the church’s steps, each to their very own MP3 soundtrack.
London is…glued to a screen
London is home to more square-eyed, friend-searching obsessives than the rest of the world. Hooray! The Facebook phenomenon has taken the city by storm with over 800,000 members on the London network, beating nearest rival Toronto’s measly 700,000 or so and growing day by day. It seems we can be proud of ourselves. Let’s celebrate by creating a group called ‘We all really need to get out more!’
The Stage is Set
Move over Regent’s Park Open Air Theatre – there’s a new kid on the block hoping to steal the limelight for the summer showing of ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’. This whimsical play has become a signature piece in the Regent’s Park repertoire but the Oxford Shakespeare Company is staging a production during August to rival the old-hands. It’ll be the first time Kensington Palace is used as an open air theatre too…oh, the decisions!
2011
| 5th April | Royal Wedding fever strikes London |
| 23rd February | London's deep pockets |
| 17th February | Let the London Games begin |
| 29th January | Olympic no-brainer |
2010
| 23rd December | Snow causes London meltdown |
| 28th November | London's Big Bang for 2011 |
| 21st October | I predict a riot |
| 26th August | The Maddening Rain |
| 26th July | Holmes sweet Holmes |
| 23rd June | Sun shines on London |
| 23rd June | Loving London's Pub Theatres |
| 27th May | The Cameron-Clegg Civil Ceremony |
| 25th May | Budgy Smuggling |
| 27th April | No Fly Zone |
| 26th April | Mi casa es su casa - and Tesco's |
| 29th March | No Third Runway |
| 19th March | It's not a Library |
| 24th February | Bully Tactics at No. 10 |
| 22nd February | Whine connoisseur |
| 26th January | Carbuncle City |
| 20th January | A Laugh a Day... |
| 3rd January | Stalking in Richmond |
2009
| 29th December | Predictions for 2010 |
| 30th November | London 1 Paris 0 |
| 27th November | Mr Benn, The Wombles |
| 26th October | Posties Strike a Chord |
| 26th October | Frieze Still Pleases |
| 26th September | A River Runs Through It |
| 23rd September | Blogging is Best |
| 26th August | When Saturday comes |
| 22nd August | Bring on the Bikes |
| 27th July | Against the Clock |
| 20th July | View for a thrill |
| 18th June | Let Them Eat Cake |
| 16th June | Only Fools And Horses? |
| 26th May | Come Rain Or Shine |
| 18th May | Embarrassing Expenses |
| 27th April | New Designs on Old Fossils |
| 19th April | City Slickers |
| 26th March | Woody Set for Rematch |
| 10th March | Take a Bow, London |
| 18th February | New Photography Laws |
| 12th February | Glitz and the Pitts |
| 27th January | Setting the Standard |
| 21st January | Too Much for Posh Nosh? |
2008
| 23rd December | January is on the Horizon |
| 20th December | Merry Christmas |
| 26th November | All The World's A Stage |
| 20th November | Surviving the Crunch |
| 24th October | Boris v Jingjing |
| 17th October | Soaps in Pole Position |
| 23rd September | Chips too Chavvy for Chelsea |
| 16th September | The London Restaurant Awards |
| 26th August | No Smoking, No Ducks, No Barbecues |
| 20th August | The Olympics |
| 24th July | Sandwiched Out |
| 17th July | The Show Ain't Over 'Til the Fat Lady's on Page 3 |
| 26th June | Love All at Wimbledon |
| 16th June | Miller Puts the Heat on Tennant |
| 27th May | Booze Banned on Buses |
| 20th May | Same Again? |
| 23rd April | By George |
| 11th April | Back to the 80s |
| 28th March | How do You Solve A Problem Like Medea? |
| 20th March | Flight Fantastic |
| 20th February | Dark, Satanic Turnmills |
| 6th February | A Diamond in the Drink |
| 21st January | People Wanted for Plinth |
| 14th January | Boo! Hiss! |
2007
2006
2005
2004
| 30th December | Party Pooper |
| 23rd December | The Second Battle of Trafalgar |
| 16th December | Sadie's Year |
| 28th November | Ripper-Watch |
| 21st November | Kinky Boots |
| 14th November | Smoked out |
| 22nd October | Yuppie Meal |
| 15th October | Fines of Fury |
| 8th October | No Twist in the Turner |
| 17th September | Battleships, bloodsports and Batman |
| 10th September | Clique Week |
| 3rd September | Return of the Bard |
| 20th August | Politics Takes Centre Stage |
| 13th August | Crisis in Theatreland |
| 6th August | Journey's End |
| 23rd July | Healing Waters |
| 16th July | Mandela Statue in Doubt |
| 9th July | From Art to Ashes |
| 2nd July | One Hurdle Nearer to Gold |
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