Red Ken versus Blonde Boris

The best ever Mayoral elections

Hartlepool elected a monkey, and Middlesbrough chose Robocop, but there may never yet have been a mayoral election quite as entertaining as the one that is about to happen in our fair city. In their search for a C-list political celebrity to match our Ken, they’ve tried a few on for size – Greg Dyke, Mike ‘Smashie’ Read and good old Steven Norris – but have finally selected everyone’s favourite cartoon toff Boris Johnson.

Since the two candidates to control London’s £4.7 billion annual budget have been selected on their ability to come up with lively quips on Have I Got News For You, we might have a mayoral debate worth watching. They could get Angus Deayton to chair it (though given their reputations, it might be a mistake to put him and Boris in the same room as the Green Party’s lovely Mayoral candidate Sian Berry).

Based on their pasts, it seems quite likely that one or both of the candidates will have to drop out of the race, after some fabulous scandal involving Jewish reporters, bicycles, Liverpudlians, sex, and newts, but if they do both make it to the last day, we may have a real contest on our hands for the very first time.

A straw poll of my London friends reveals that Boris is considerably more lovable – and disturbingly, some of my Sloanier acquaintance even think he’s quite sexy – but that nobody would trust him to organise anything more complicated than a jug of Pimm’s, or possibly some kind of punting trip. On the other hand, everyone agrees that Ken has a horrible voice, which we’re all tired of hearing, and that if Boris did make a total cock-up of the city, he’d do it in an incredibly amusing way. As you can see, politics is debated at the highest possible level chez Nelson.

And we’re also all agreed that there is more to Johnson than his cheery chubbiness. It can’t have escaped Ken’s notice that on top of that cuddly body sits a head that is almost precisely the same shape as London’s City Hall – surely a good omen for Cameron’s comedy candidate.

What a Mob!

St Paul’s Cathedral is well-versed in the art of spectacles but even Charles and Diana’s wedding would be hard-pushed to beat the latest ‘flash mob’ event. This craze of taking part in bonkers group activities has officially hit London and the stunt in question involved clubbers bopping on the church’s steps, each to their very own MP3 soundtrack.

London is…glued to a screen

London is home to more square-eyed, friend-searching obsessives than the rest of the world. Hooray! The Facebook phenomenon has taken the city by storm with over 800,000 members on the London network, beating nearest rival Toronto’s measly 700,000 or so and growing day by day. It seems we can be proud of ourselves. Let’s celebrate by creating a group called ‘We all really need to get out more!’

The Stage is Set

Move over Regent’s Park Open Air Theatre – there’s a new kid on the block hoping to steal the limelight for the summer showing of ‘A Midsummer Night’s Dream’. This whimsical play has become a signature piece in the Regent’s Park repertoire but the Oxford Shakespeare Company is staging a production during August to rival the old-hands. It’ll be the first time Kensington Palace is used as an open air theatre too…oh, the decisions!

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