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August
Losing Face 10th August 2007
The real reasons for the Stockmarket crash
So what I think happened is this: American banks have been lending money to slack-jawed Gerry Springer-fodder, who haven’t been able to keep up with their payments. As a result all the investment bankers are hunched weeping over their Blackberries, instead of flashing their cash, and I’m no longer being bought cocktails when I go out near the City. It doesn’t really seem fair, does it?

In truth, the City of London isn’t having too serious a crisis of confidence, in spite of the headlines and the exciting spiky graphs next to them. Certainly any photographer heading up to try and catch a hedge fund manager leaping to his death from the 28th floor of 30 St Mary Axe would have been sadly disappointed (in any case, it would be more of a slide than a leap if you were near the top of The Gherkin).

But it did lead me to wonder exactly what all these people were actually doing up there. They work these 80-hour weeks, and earn enough money to happily ply a random girl with cocktails all night, even though she would never, ever date a man in a pinstripe suit. Yet they still can’t figure out that cash leant to Mid-Western mouthbreathers, whose only qualifications are the stars on their name-badges, might not represent a brilliant investment.

Frankly, the ‘sub-prime mortgage market’ and ‘diversified risk’ have far less to do with this chaos than bloody Facebook. Journalists are pretty early adopters when it comes to procrastination applications, but by the time I arrived on Facebook, every stockbroker, accountant and banker in London was already there, changing their status every 7 minutes, and posting drivel on each other’s walls. It’s hardly surprising, given how astoundingly dull their jobs must be, but it probably left them with about three minutes each day to study the financial markets.

London’s exclusive restaurants, glitteriest bars, and dullest sporting events* are going to find themselves pretty empty while the money-men try to pick up the pieces of this latest balls-up. But since they’ve all just been banned from Facebook by their companies - and have completely lost the ability to communicate with their friends by any other means - perhaps the City-boys wouldn’t have been out much anyway.

*Cricket matches, obviously.
Rock ‘n’ Roll-ups
They might be pushing pensioner age but Rolling Stones Ronnie Wood and Keith Richards proved they’ve still got that rebel streak in them. Lighting up cigarettes on the O2 stage despite the smoking ban has sparked controversy but the crowd loved this rock ‘n’ roll spirit, however far it is from the wildness of the band’s early days…
Anyone seen a Constable?
It was bound to be one of those "I’ll just put it there for safe keeping" moments when a Mr John Platt slipped Constable’s drawing of a church between the pages of his art volumes, which were left to the British Museum. Over 100 years on, the sketch has been discovered by curator Felicity Myrone and now scholars are scratching their heads over how Platt had it in the first place.
Big Lot of Fuss over Nothing
It’s still uncertain whether this is another publicity stunt (Louis Walsh and X Factor springs to mind) but Celebrity Big Brother is looking set to be axed from our screens following last year’s controversy. How will we cope without a handful of Z-listers tearing each other to bits?
2009
2008
23rd December
January is on the Horizon
20th December
Merry Christmas
26th November
All The World's A Stage
20th November
Surviving the Crunch
24th October
Boris v Jingjing
17th October
Soaps in Pole Position
23rd September
Chips too Chavvy for Chelsea
16th September
The London Restaurant Awards
26th August
No Smoking, No Ducks, No Barbecues
20th August
The Olympics
24th July
Sandwiched Out
17th July
The Show Ain't Over 'Til the Fat Lady's on Page 3
26th June
Love All at Wimbledon
16th June
Miller Puts the Heat on Tennant
27th May
Booze Banned on Buses
20th May
Same Again?
23rd April
By George
11th April
Back to the 80s
28th March
How do You Solve A Problem Like Medea?
20th March
Flight Fantastic
20th February
Dark, Satanic Turnmills
6th February
A Diamond in the Drink
21st January
People Wanted for Plinth
14th January
Boo! Hiss!
2007
28th December
Tate That - A Hirst for Art
20th December
Christmas Shopping
27th November
Mind the Gap
26th November
London On A Tray
26th October
Leaving the Station
14th October
The Sky's the Limit
26th September
The Play Within A Play
19th September
Fashion, Frocks and Celeb Shocks
12th September
Saying Tanks for the Mammaries
24th August
Heathrow under Siege
17th August
Gormless
10th August
Losing Face
24th July
Are We Reaching Boiling Point Yet This Summer?
13th July
Red Ken versus Blonde Boris
22nd June
Last Orders at the Fag Machine
11th June
London the Musical
21st May
What Lurks Beneath
10th May
The Stuff Dreams Are Made Of
27th April
London’s Walk on the Wild Side
20th April
Stand Behind the Yellow Line
13th April
Like Water for Chocolate
23rd March
So, Another Magazine
16th March
Avoiding iContact
23rd February
Sex and Art...
16th February
C-Charge Protest Fails to Bring Down Government
9th February
Live Earth London
26th January
A Vote for Shilpa is a Vote for Britain
18th January
Carriage on up the West End
2006
29th December
Food for Thought
22nd December
A Poisonous Marketing Campaign
15th December
In for a Penny, In for Five Pounds
17th November
Big Department Stores Leave Santa Out in the Cold
10th November
Failing to Save the World
27th October
Frozen Prawns and Melting Icecaps
20th October
Predatory Pelicans and Happy Woodland Folk
13th October
Hope at last for east end of Oxford Street
16th September
Lite the Blue Paper and Stand Well Back
9th September
Of Poles and Twiglets
25th August
Free Fares For the Fat and the Fashionable
11th August
London Friendly
4th August
Archway To Organic Heaven
21st July
London - Celebrity Frat House
7th July
Out of the Galleries into the Streets
23rd June
Mayors, Nightmares and Marias
16th June
Downright Rude in Paris and London
9th June
Enter the Inferno
26th May
Curvaceous Border
12th May
Vegging Out
21st April
The Camden Crawl
17th April
Down the Pan
13th April
I Want to Break Free
9th April
Big Brother seems to have been left in a bar somewhere
7th April
Don't Box Me In
24th March
Political Correctness Reaches New Heights
24th February
A Stadium's Tale: Cup Final Goes West
17th February
Modern Musicals are Rubbish
10th February
The City-Side Alliance
20th January
February Sales
20th January
Moby Sick
13th January
Glass Half Full
3rd January
Three Cheers for the Tube Station Workers
2005
22nd December
January Bites
16th December
A Remarkable Year
25th November
And a Partridge in a JCB
11th November
Driving Miss Sadie
4th November
Spam, Spam, Spammity-Spam, Shakespeare, Zorro, Chico and Rasputin
28th October
Trick or Treat?
21st October
We Don't Mind a Little Delay...
14th October
Final Resting Place for Young British Artists
16th September
Just a small urn for me, please barman
9th September
DRINK! DRINK! DRINK!
2nd September
The Free Tenor
30th August
Samba Rhythms Breaking Out All Over The Stadium
20th August
Getting Behind the Iron Farce
10th August
Mystery Play is No Sell Out
29th July
Moving On From 7/7
22nd July
Get loaded in the park
15th July
Victoire!!
24th June
New Balls, Please
17th June
The End of an Unsightly Era
10th June
The Hooded Law
31st May
Widespread Diso-’Beeb’-ience
20th May
Pass the Pepper Spray
20th May
Black Theatre Breakthrough
27th April
Five More Years
20th April
Dancing with Idiots
12th April
A Youthful Look at the Theatre
30th March
Musical Communion
23rd March
Big Guns Back in Town
10th March
Celebs in the City
28th February
There's no business like showbusiness!
22nd February
Ken You Believe It?
10th February
Make Poverty History
28th January
Loving It!
21st January
The Great West End Ticketing Scandal
14th January
The Triumph of the Ordinary
2004
30th December
Party Pooper
23rd December
The Second Battle of Trafalgar
16th December
Sadie's Year
28th November
Ripper-Watch
21st November
Kinky Boots
14th November
Smoked out
22nd October
Yuppie Meal
15th October
Fines of Fury
8th October
No Twist in the Turner
17th September
Battleships, bloodsports and Batman
10th September
Clique Week
3rd September
Return of the Bard
20th August
Politics Takes Centre Stage
13th August
Crisis in Theatreland
6th August
Journey's End
23rd July
Healing Waters
16th July
Mandela Statue in Doubt
9th July
From Art to Ashes
2nd July
One Hurdle Nearer to Gold
 
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