Heathrow under Siege

Hundreds of protesters but the planes keep going

Parched fields one year, unprecedented floods the next: global warming is certainly keeping us all on our toes. Just as we’re getting used to the idea of getting sunburn at festivals instead of trenchfoot, we see our tents floating off towards the sea.

The politicians have all waded in on the subject; Green Gordon goes on summer holiday in Dorset (let’s hope he packed the wellies), do-gooder David gives his home an eco friendly facelift and pedals to work – oh and he goes to the Arctic to hug some huskies. I feel sorry for the Green Party, they’ve been harping on about this for years and where has it got them? Not into Number 10, that’s for sure. Now the main parties are nicking their campaign slogans.

When we’re gambling with the future of the planet, it’s better to play it safe, of course, but I do resent the ‘Big Brother’ approach. Not satisfied with giving us the means to recycle, they’re now shoving it down our throats, it’s like beating us over the head with a great big, green stick. Soon you’ll be expected to pay more if your bin’s overflowing but what if you’ve just got a big family? Then your reams of rubbish are less to do with a lack of concern for the environmental and more of a family planning issue.

The green issue has infiltrated all corners of London life: from food (local and seasonal, even if that means squirrels in summer and pigeons in winter) to travel (pedal power all the way from the suburbs to the City) and from how we shop to what we wear – 'vintage' clothes (or second hand if you get them from Oxfam) are all the rage now. At least a handful of, I mean over a hundred concerned individuals were prepared to wear their principles on their sleeves. The Heathrow protesters – not forgetting the ‘superglue seven’ who stuck themselves to the Department of Transport’s front door – are clearly not afraid of some direct action.

Setting up a temporary tented village isn’t quite as demonstrative as dumping a truck full of shit on Gordon Ramsay’s door but still, you’ve got to hand it them, camping out in this weather can’t be fun. It was bad enough at Glastonbury and at least there were some bands, basket weaving and that sort of thing for entertainment. They’ve even been involved in skirmishes with the police – which always makes me giggle, it sounds so much like a good old fashioned school ground scuffle which usually resulted in grazed knees being dabbed with Dettol. I suspect, though, that a run-in with standard issue riot gear would be slightly more damaging to soft body parts.

A few minor skin abrasions aside, it wasn’t exactly the most headline-grabbing event of the year. Editors waiting for the riots, hoax bomb threats and grounded flights were, no doubt, disappointed – well, things are quiet on the news front at this time of year. Only this morning a boy arrested for throwing a cocktail sausage was being interviewed on ITV’s breakfast news. I rest my case.

But the real question is did these modern day Swampies actually do anything to further their cause? Well, sensibly they didn’t prostrate themselves on the runway and caused no delays to flights – that wouldn’t help them win any popularity points – but they certainly succeeded in raising awareness. While I wasn’t tempted to join the protesters in their tented village thanks to them I now know where the third runway has been pencilled in for and quite shocking it is too. I’m not about to cancel the holiday to South America (well, it’s booked now so it’d be silly to waste it) but I will be keeping an eye on how the building work at the airport is coming along.

A Chip off the Old Block?

It’s not fair to tar the whole band with the same brush but while dad’s fellow Rolling Stones are busy flouting the smoking ban, James Jagger is towing the line. As part of his part at the King’s Head theatre in Islington, the budding actor has to light up on stage but it appears he’s a good law-abiding lad and has got permission from Islington Council as the puffing is ‘integral’ to the plot.

Oil Relief

Cuddly Venezuelan president/despot Hugo Chavez has finally proved what we already half-knew: that no amount of third-world suffering is quite as bad as the rage that Londoner’s feel on paying such high prices to get around the city. His country (whose citizens have an average annual income of £4500 a year) is set to subsidise London busses, halving the cost of tickets for low-income Londoners.

Rampant Railways

London Transport has vetoed an advert for the ‘Rampant rabbit’, the Anne Summers, erm, toy that was made famous by ‘Sex and the City’. The advert, featuring a mermaid, and the slogan ‘Wave after Wave of Pleasure’ has already appeared in magazines, but TfL are refusing to display it unless the word ‘pleasure’ and all mention of the Rabbit are removed. London Underground bosses didn’t add that if you sit right and wear appropriate underwear, the shaking and rocking motion of the Victoria Line between Seven Sisters and Walthamstow Central is better than any sex toy.

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