The Play Within A Play

The real one, not Shakespeare's Act 3 Scene 2

There hasn’t been a clash this good since, well, since Blur and Oasis battled for Britpop, Jordan took on Posh in the quintessential cat fight, I’m afraid even Ken and Boris can’t compete on this one. News that Jude Law and David Tennant are both to play Hamlet for the Donmar Warehouse and the Royal Shakespeare Company respectively (don’t get too excited, the shows are a long way off) has ignited a long-dormant glimmer, maybe even a spark, in journalists’ eyes. This is the stuff of dreams (‘perchance to dream’ to get Hamlet in there) are made of. The stage is set, all the main characters have been cast and we’re hoping for some foot-stamping artistic temperaments to erupt. I can hardly contain my excitement!

There’s enough mileage in this theatrical set piece to keep us going all the way to opening night and beyond. Pictures of Jude and David will appear side by side in every newspaper, Kenneth Branagh (director of the Donmar production) will say things like “Jude is an actor of extraordinary subtlety” or maybe Gregory Doran (the other director) could say “Hamlet is, in essence, a play about people who are trapped”. The thing is our Hamlets won’t even have to open their prose-filled mouths to be pronounced a triumph of casting or an unmitigated insult to Shakespeare’s masterpiece.

There’s something historically mystical about London’s theatre scene (the smell of the greasepaint ‘n’ all that) – all those theatre greats treading the boards lends a certain anticipation to a night at the theatre. We truly believe that we might witness something magical – and sometimes we do. Theatres will be packed out with merciless critics, luvvies and a few hundred girls who just fancy the pants off one or t’other of them.

So let’s not be naïve enough to think that this hype will die down. This is Hamlet, Shakespeare’s greatest of tragic heroes, the real deal. Consider John Gielgud or Laurence Olivier – their Hamlets have gone down in history, spoken of in hushed tones, a backstage whisper even, revered as ‘great Shakespearean actors’, their voices taking on lives of their own…Reviews aren’t going to be forgotten by the next morning. There’ll be enough comparisons to keep theatre critics critiquing for the next, say, 100 years, theatre students will never tire of writing essays on this (I should know, I was one!) and people will talk of Tennant’s Hamlet or bring up Jude’s 2009 season as the tortured prince. (Ah, tortured prince, now I know why Jude’s been cast!)

So, the choice is Jude or David – there’s no sitting on the fence, ‘To be or not to be’, you can’t vote for both. I think Jude would stand a chance if he actually didn’t act, he could just be himself – maybe Branagh could find a way of phrasing this. His best theatrical moments come in ‘real’ life (did anyone see him on Parky?) with bursts of pure luvvie angst, taking it all a bit too seriously and philosophising to avoid the real issues – how perfect for Hamlet’s soliloquies! I think he is well-suited to the ‘Alas, poor Yorick!’ scene – I can almost imagine him picking up a skull, staring intently at it and then launching into a lament about the fragility of life. We also shouldn’t bypass his pretty boy status when considering his suitability for the role – er, maybe he’ll look good on stage.

And then there’s David ‘time traveller’ Tennant. Well, he’s ‘the Doctor’ - lines like ‘For who would bear the whips and scorns of time’ take on a whole new meaning for starters. I’m imagining trying to jump into a phone box to escape hairy moments like killing Polonius or telling Rose (now Billie Piper as Ophelia would be a stroke of genius) to ‘Get thee to a nunnery’ (this would only happen if David got confused, of course). He’s got the whole geek chic thing going on – Hamlet would definitely have that bedraggled skinny suit and Converse trainers look if he was a 21st century student (just throwing in some ideas for Doran’s interpretation). But I was encouraged to discover that he’s well-versed in the art of good ole Wills, having dabbled in a couple of RSC seasons back in the day. Y’know, nothing special, just Touchstone in ‘As You Like It’, Antipholus of Syracuse in ‘The Comedy of Errors’ and ROMEO. Well, I think we may have found our Hamlet…

Booty Bags

Designer Luella Bartley must have thought her already bright star was rising after a return to London Fashion Week and a new store in Mayfair but she was dealt a cruel blow when said shop was targeted in a smash and grab. Today’s thieves must have expensive taste as Luella’s designer handbags are the latest fashion victims in a long line of raids, which have seen jewellery, shoes and cashmere stolen.

I Predict A Riot

Not exactly Sienna Miller’s most glamorous look (rather lovely patchwork-style jerkin springs to mind) but what would you expect in a film called ‘Hippie Hippie Shake’ with a scene recreating the 1968 peace demonstrations against the Vietnam War. London’s Grosvenor Square, home to the American Embassy, was once again closed off as it was besieged with protesters and mounted police but, this time, all in the name of art and a true-to-life reconstruction of the event.

An Exclusive Double Act

Naomi Campbell knows how to ‘work’ the media and a little bit of royal blood can go a long way in grabbing a headline or two – especially if it’s all in the name of chaaaaaaarity. The London Fashion Week show saw Fergie and daughter Princess Beatrice saunter hand-in-hand down the catwalk (both wearing black chiffon Dolce & Gabbana dresses) to much appreciation from the A-list crowd.

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