A Diamond in the Drink

Bling Drinks are a Girl's Best Friend

It was a bad week for boozing Britain as reports just out show that our national partiality for getting slightly sozzled has escalated out of control. The news will hardly come as a shock to anyone who has been out in Soho on a Friday night. More surprising is that you can spend £35,000 on a single drink.

Lucky, lucky, lucky Kylie was given the (world’s most expensive?) gold leaf encrusted cocktail at her post-Brits bash while hundreds of her guests were left stranded on the pavement outside, struggling to get in. What could possibly give a mere cocktail such a hefty price tag, you’d be forgiven for asking. Well, since you ask: Louis XII cognac, half a bottle of Cristal Rose champagne, brown sugar, Angostura bitters, oh and an 11-carat diamond ring at the bottom. It comes delivered not just by any old barman but a barman flanked by two security guards. How delicious.

This was certainly one of the more glamorous alcohol-related headlines in a week when intoxication reports grew more alarmist each day. “More than half of 13-year-olds have drunk alcohol”, and “The BMA says Britain is in middle of alcohol ‘epidemic’” and then “BMA hypocrites want to extend their HQ licensing hours”, daily headlines informed us. Reading the small print, apparently, women in their thirties and forties are to be the target of a government anti-drinking advertising campaign, warning of the risks of breast cancer or liver failure. Yikes. I was deeply concerned about the teenagers downing cider in the park a minute ago. Now I’m more worried about my own levels of fermented grape juice consumption.

So what if I have a chilled glass of Pinot Grigio in the evenings? Admittedly it’s more like every evening plus a couple more on the weekends – topped up by a few very large vodkas if I’m having a big night out every couple of weekends. Still, where’s the harm in that? Everyone else is doing it. Of course I’m not completely complacent or unaware of the potential damage it can do – on a purely superficial level (though admittedly not the most important) is the one I’ll almost certainly notice first, it’s terribly ageing.

But I did manage to ditch the white wine witch recently – for a month anyway. On the advice of my acupuncturist, I spent four weeks on the wagon, not a single drop of the special brew passed my lips. I surprised myself, who knew I had such deep-reaching levels of self-control. But once I’d started it was easy. The hard part wasn’t not drinking, it was not drinking and having a life. In fact, the only discernable difference was an allergy to going out.

Sitting in the pub nursing a cranberry juice is possibly the least amount of fun a girl can have on a night out. Dinner parties aren’t exactly a barrel of laughs either without a Chardonnay to act as social lubricant. The challenge was finding things to do that didn’t revolve around a glass of crisp, dry white. Trips to the cinema increased, tea and coffee dates replaced cocktails and cavorting in clubs. In short, I became more staid and sensible (read old and boring) in one dry month than I had in the previous drink sodden twelve. And, guess what? I didn’t come away with renewed energy, my complexion didn’t glow and not one single person asked me if I’d been away on holiday.

In an attempt to curb our alcoholic excesses, the super of the supermarkets, Tesco’s, has proposed that the government step in to stop their two-for-one cut price offers on bottles of wine. The pubs and bars have already abandoned it, now this spells the end of happy hour down at Waitrose too. So, what’s left to look forward to? Saddo night at the bingo? Give me a £35,000 cocktail any day.

A Woman's Work

The first female Serjeant at Arms has been appointed to the House of Commons almost 600 years after Henry V inaugurated the role in Parliament. Jill Pay will be up-to-speed on all security matters and she’ll get to carry a mace and a sword (presumably just for show and not for security matters). The 40-strong security team, who the new serjeant will be in charge of, is jokingly referred to as "the men in tights" because of their uniform of breeches, stockings and buckled shoes – all primed and ready for action then!

One is not Amused!

News just in: Prince Charles does not want to live in a high-rise block, even if it’s the penthouse. The future king has attacked towering skyscrapers blighting London’s skyline, in one case threatening to overshadow the true tower – the Tower of London – with a 160-metre skyscraper. Even the views from Clarence House and his mother’s pad Buckingham Palace could be obscured and what would one do then?

In-flight Entertainment

Forget 007 doing loop-the-loops and mortal combat in the skies above London; this is more handbags at dawn air hostess style. British Airways is said to be incensed at Bond producers signing a second deal with rival Virgin Atlantic – BA even cut the scene of Sir Richard Branson walking through an airport in its in-flight showings of ‘Casino Royale’ so ‘brace’ yourself for even more toys being shown the emergency exit as new Bond film ‘Quantum of Solace’ shoots skyward.

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