The Maddening Rain

All this hot and sticky August rain is rather rum

It seems as if it has rained pretty much every day this August. After a fabulous May, a radiant June and an acceptable July, summer in London has become quite infuriating this month.

Typically, it coincides with most people's holiday, which only goes and exacerbates the whole thing. Fresh from two weeks in the Mediterranean, returning holiday makers step off their planes and being greeted with grey skies and lashing rain.

I myself spent 12 days in the States visiting friends in New York and Washington DC earlier in August. The sun was out every day, temperatures were in the early to mid 30s; I got the best tan possible from a city break; and on the occasions it did rain, it had the politeness to do so overnight, whereby clearing the air of all mugginess come pancake and waffle time.

Returning to London was a real shock to the system (and not just because of how provincial and slow the place seemed in comparison to the Big Apple). My tan faded in a matter of days. My wellington boots - bought last May in Snowdonia – were quickly raised from the cellar.
But there's one thing worse than rain - that's persistent summer rain. Hot, sticky rain that doesn't let you dry when indoors because it's quickly replaced by hot, sticky sweat. Rain's fine when it's freezing outside and you can wrap up warm. But putting on a rain coat when it's as humid as it has been here in London is sheer torture. A ghastly predicament.

Just this morning, the start of play on the first day in the final test between England and Pakistan at Lords had been delayed because of rain. They got started after lunch, but then the umpires called it a day in the middle of the afternoon because of bad light – and then further showers.

Still, it was nothing compared to yesterday, when it rained solidly from about 4pm until 10pm, spitefully washing out my weekly Wednesday evening game of five-a-side. Needless to say, I got completely sodden - and then had to hang around for an age for a bus to come to my drenched self home.

You see, the tube was down. In times of heavy rain, signal failures tend to do that. And the 295 bus - normally so reliant - was delayed, making for a painstaking wait in Latimer Road.

The bad weather must be proving a bit of a damp squib for Boris' cycle hire scheme too. Which fair-weather cyclist - for that's what the users of the scheme will prove to be - wants to ride around humid London in the rain? A friend of mine was in Paris for a couple of days last week and spent most his time zipping around in the sun on a Velib. Taking only jeans with him, he even had to pick up a cheap pair of shorts. He returned tanned and refreshed. Fat chance of any tourists recreating that experience on our own bicycle scheme, eh? At least, not until next spring!

But as I said, it's not so much the rain that gets me down - it's rain while the air temperature remains so high. Knowing what to wear is a nightmare. The whole thing is truly maddening.

Which brings me nicely to a suggestion for you all, should you wish to seek an hour or so's shelter combined with top-notch entertainment in the Islington area this autumn. A friend of mine is producing a play called, aptly enough, The Maddening Rain at the Old Red Lion Theatre in Angel, one of London's finest fringe venues.

"It's a fairly apt title with the current conditions," says Richard Darbourne, my friend, adding: "London weather can be pretty maddening, changing people's moods as it changes itself."

Rather than a one-man Beckettian monologue by Met office darling Tomasz Schafernaker, the play, whose poster features a bloodied spanner silhouetted in front of Canary Wharf, is in fact a credit crunch thriller with a backdrop of lost love tempered by soaring ambition.

"It's a great tale for London," Rich confirms. "One guy is desperate to make it big in the City but before he knows it he's obsessed with chasing the dream. But does it really exist? Compelling theatre, brilliantly told by Felix Scott [Inception] and great to have Matthew Dunster [National Theatre, Young Vic] on board."

Sounds a bit like our predicament with the weather: we're all chasing the dream (an Indian summer) but slowly coming to the conclusion that it may probably not exist.

* The Maddening Rain is on at the Old Red Lion Theatre from 31st August until 18th September *

Harry's Spurs are singing in the rain

Tottenham Hotspur overcame a first-leg deficit - and a heavy deluge - to record a 6-3 aggregate win over Young Boys Bern and progress to the group stages of the Champions League for the first time in the club's history. The inclusion of Harry Redknapp's side means the world's most prized club cup competition will feature a record three London clubs this season following the automatic qualification of north London rivals Arsenal and Premiership champions Chelsea. And it's a baptism of fire for Spurs, who were drawn in the same group as the reigning champions Internazionale of Italy. Game on.

Collect £200 for passing the London Eye?

The location of the "GO" square in the world-famous board game Monopoly has been disclosed by makers Hasbro, who commissioned mapping form Ordnance Survey to solve the 75-year mystery. Located between the Old Kent Road in south London and plush Mayfair in the West End, the "GO" square is apparently to be found on the Queen's Walk beside the Thames and next to the London Eye. A special day of celebration took place on the site but was somewhat hampered by … heavy rainfall and blustery winds.

The Apple of London's eye

In non rain-related London news, Apple has opened its biggest store to date with a swish three-storey gadget emporium in Covent Garden. Located in a former nightclub and restaurant in Covent Garden Piazza, the new store is the Californian company's 300th retail outlet in the world and employs 300 staff. Centred around an airy open atrium there are separate rooms (each with exposed brickwork, oak tables and stone floors) for iMacs, MacBooks, iPads, iPhones and iPods. A special Start Up Room allows customers to be talked through how to set up their new Apple product free of charge the moment they've bought it. No news as yet as to whether or not the place has been flooded…

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