Widespread Diso-’Beeb’-ience

Our brothers at the BBC seize the means of production

Flicking on the radio the other morning, dowsing a headache with strong black coffee, I was hoping to catch Radio 4’s Today programme to limber up my brain before work. Instead I was greeted by an avuncular Kenneth Clarke taking me through the ‘jazz greats’. An off-putting way to begin the day.

The BBC was on strike, so I would have to suffer. I was more amused than annoyed by the rest of the day’s TV and radio disruption: the news became some sort of disorganised News 24 hybrid, the opening of the Chelsea Flower Show was replaced with a retrospective of last year’s event (most viewers remained blissfully unaware) and Newsnight was cancelled.

We could be in for a summer of televisual disruption if talks don’t bear fruit; sports fans beware, organisers have earmarked Wimbledon as a target. It’s just a shame the BBC don’t cover the cricket anymore………….

Change is afoot in the world of television, there’s no doubt about that; TV is set to complete the wholesale change to digital by 2012 and the rise of cross-media diversification is unstoppable. Our British idiosyncrasy, public service broadcasting, won’t be left untouched. The BBC Director General Mark Thompson says the ‘streamlining’ plan will increase efficiency with the savings being ploughed back into content and the corporation’s future.

Just like Greg Dyke and John Birt before him, the DG is hiring in tiers of executives to lead the cull of actual journalists, technicians and producers who make the BBC’s products. Most of those programme-makers who get the chop will be able to hire themselves back (more expensively) as freelancers to the Beeb. Thus the corporation effectively increases its per-unit production costs, but does at least free whole floors of Broadcasting House and Shepherd’s Bush for executive ‘blue skies’ brainstorming sessions. The strikers argue that staff cuts will lead to a drop in programme quality, harming the corporation’s case for the licence fee.

Perhaps the top brass should be listening – the licence fee is the only part of the BBC they never want to see changed. They recently rejected outright any change vis-à-vis the licence fee in the face of a proposal from outside broadcasters. ‘Top-slicing’ would allow other companies to bid for license money to produce public service programmes. Given the general success of most attempts to contract-out public services (think rail, school dinners etc) these private initiatives make me a little apprehensive, but if they were all staffed by disgruntled former BBC staff it would serve the corporation right.

I am the first person - after sitting through hours of budget game shows, reality rubbish and relentless adverts on television abroad - to tell Johnny Foreigner how fantastic television is in Britain, and by that I mean the BBC. How they gasp when I tell them about this fabled TV station with programmes of some vague educational value and - now this really bowls them over - no commercials. Despite their rather desperate attempts to latch onto the reality genre, the BBC does represent a quality choice unavailable to TV viewers outside the UK. What’s more, the BBC is a place of learning, for everyone from broadcasters to electricians, with an awesome pedigree.

Change is as inevitable as opposition to it but let’s hope it moves in the right direction. I’m all for a modern BBC, evolving to make the most of new technology and meet future challenges but let's hope it doesn’t end up an anaemic clone of its privately funded competitors.

We don’t know how lucky we are in this country to have the BBC… but the people who really don’t appreciate what the BBC stands for are those egg-heads who treat long-standing staff as unwanted detritus and actively seek to undermine the BBC’s expertise by driving all the technicians and production units onto a freelance basis. I love the idea of a BBC strike that shows us what we’re missing – I just don’t like the reality.

More strikes are planned for next week and over the coming months. But it shouldn’t matter anyway; it’s summer time so we should all be out chatting away over a refreshing pint in sunny pub garden, not sat in front of the box. Although I fear that for many of us – however hard we might try to fight it - summer may be spent, mentally if not physically, with a group of randoms in a house in Elstree.

Ken He Fix It? Yes, He Ken

Good for Ken Livingstone, stepping in today to save the London Eye from closure or even a move to Paris. The most popular attraction in Europe faced a move after the South Bank Centre decided to up the rent. Our Ken not only forced the SBC to back down with the threat of a compulsory purchase – he also took the opportunity to label SBC chairman Lord Hollick a "complete prat". That’s why we love him.

Pants Performance

David Schwimmer (aka Ross) suffered a short sense of humour failure last night when he caught a paparazzi photographing him as he made a costume change in the wings of his West End show ‘Some Girls’. The Friends star was upset at the time but later joked that if the snapper had been after a shot of his crown jewels they would have needed a ‘a very good telephoto lense’.

Geldof Gears Up for G8 Gig

Sir Bob Geldoff today announced plans for a massive free gig in Hyde Park just before the G8 summit in Edinburgh, to bring pressure on world leaders as they meet. Live 8 will take place simultaneously in Berlin, Rome and Paris and the UK gig is set to include U2, the Rolling Stones, Sir Paul McCartney, Coldplay, Madonna, Sting and Robbie Williams. Not to mention a reformed Spice Girls, back to save the world.

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