Victoire!!

London will host the Olympics in 2012

The events of Thursday 7th have rather overtaken Wednesday 6th’s brief moment of Londonwide celebration, but there is nothing I can write about them that has not been said elsewhere by better people than me, so I thought I would dedicate this column to looking forward to the fun we’ll have in 2012.

Apart from the occasional England football match, the only spectator sport that’s ever really floated my boat has been Big Brother, but I love the Olympics. I love the beanpole Ethiopian distance-runners and the stony-faced Eastern European gymnasts. I love eccentric fans who spend three months' wages to come from the furthest corners of the world.

Above all I love the sheer weirdness of many of the events. Speed walking is the most obvious example. I think we should make them do it down Oxford Street on a Saturday afternoon, that’d sort the men from the boys. And what about weightlifting? Watch as a man so muscly that he’s actually rectangular, lifts the weight of a small car over his head, staggers, drops it, and stomps off. Then watch the same thing repeated over and over again for an hour. It truly is the strangest spectacle in the world, and I mean to buy my tickets at the first available opportunity.

I’m also incredibly excited that it’s all happening in East London. Napoleon once contemptuously referred to the British as "a nation of shopkeepers", but that is why we were able to haggle our way to victory in the bidding process. And that is why London’s East End, the home of our nation’s most typical shopkeeper spirit, is the perfect place to bring these hordes of international visitors.

There’s nobody like an East-Ender for figuring out what somebody wants and then supplying it off the back of a lorry. Or convincing a confused foreigner that they want something they’d never normally buy. I expect to see the entire US women’s track team decked out in leopardskin print from Zoe Slater’s stall.

Parked Life

Hurrah for George Maxwell, a businessman in Redhill, who beat car clamping firm Parking Solutions by staging a sit-down protest in his vehicle for more than 30 hours. The firm eventually abandoned all plans to tow or fine him. Stupidest part of the story? Parking ‘Solutions’.

Pub Theatre Legend Dies

Sad news this week with the death, after a long illness, of Dan Crawford - the irrepressible pub landlord at the King’s Head, who built the theatre out back with his bare hands and gave a platform to the London fringe. The King’s Head is a beloved pub theatre which saw the stage debuts of hundreds of British stars, from Hugh Laurie to Stephen Berkoff. They often came back out of affection for the place. We hope that Mr Crawford’s amazing informal theatre will live on without him.

Tunnel Vision

The Rail Maritime and Transport (RMT) workers union is to hold talks with the Mayor’s office over possible strike action on London Underground. The RMT is considering going on strike over fears about driver safety. There’s a word for that kind of idiocy, but I’m a lady so I’ll just say stop being so selfish.

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