Trick or Treat?

Oh no, tiny children are ringing my doorbell!

As the office ghouls up for our annual Halloween bash, the usual studious quiet of the editorial department is punctuated by eerie screams and sinister gurgles emanating from the streets of London. Leading this reporter to reflect on the joy of celebrating this macabre festival in the spookiest capital city in the world.

This weekend and on Monday, thousands of zombies, ghosts and big fat pumpkins will take to the streets to celebrate the ancient festival of evil and paganism which actually predates the Christian tradition. It is a thrilling time of year. But you wouldn’t know it to read the familiar grousing in our national press.

Every year at this time, the newspapers are flooded with stories decrying the popular pastime of trick or treating. It seems this sinister blackmail is too much for the population to bear – or perhaps it’s a vocal minority? For my money, decent ordinary folk living in terror of the arrival of children on their doorstep need to re-examine their attitudes to greedy children. They’re cute!

Or they could try living on Moss Side. When I was a student my house was visited by a Kappa-clad youth of not more than ten whose own version of ‘trick or treat’ was ‘give me a pound or I’ll smash your window’. This charming scamp visited not once a year but every Saturday.

‘What?!’ I hear you thunder, that’s precisely the problem with Halloween, it licenses these terrors to disguise themselves and maraud around in gangs. And each year the terror mongers find at least a couple of stories of people scared out of their wits by Halloween.

Well I’m sorry, but I get a lot more upset by persistent local canvassers for politicians. And how dare those takeaway merchants bestrew my doormat with their menus? It’s all filth!

I mean, obviously it’s preferable if the youngsters are accompanied by adults, but this is mainly for their safety rather than that of the public. The tradition of giving sweets to moppets may seem cloying and American to some, but I think it’s jolly nice. To be honest, I don’t see how anyone who has ever received Halloween candy could begrudge the little blighters.

Have a truly spooky Halloween in haunted old London. And if you really don’t think your nerves can handle an exchange of sweets and patronising pleasantries with the local yobs, then lock your door, pretend to be out, and brace yourself for something unpleasant on your doormat. That’s how I treat my local MP.

The Price of Fame

Ticket prices for West End musicals are rocketing. Shows such as ‘Mary Poppins’ and ‘Guys and Dolls’ currently charge up to £55 per seat; calling into question the accessibility of London’s Theatreland. Producers cite escalating production costs, despite evidence that ‘Guys and Dolls’ recouped £3m investment costs in just 17 weeks.

Oyster Now Even Tastier

London bus and tube fares are set to rise again next year – but only to customers paying by cash; a one-way tube journey in Zone One will cost £3 instead of £2. However, holders of pre-pay Oyster cards will be treated to a reduction in cost - a Zone One Tube ride will fall from £1.70 to £1.50 - half the cash fare.

Sinatra makes the Ultimate Comeback

Frank Sinatra is due to perform on the London stage in February 2006 – seven years after his death. The £5m show, ‘Sinatra at the London Palladium’, will use home movie footage of a 20ft tall virtual Sinatra, projected onto 3D screens around the theatre, to tell the life story of the legendary crooner.

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