We Don't Mind a Little Delay...

So Long as Brad's on the Bus

Breakdown on the Northern Line, bus and tube fares set to rise, talk of increased fines and ASBOs for fare dodgers, not to mention forecasts of a massive rise in commuters over the next decade – it’s been quite a month for travel news. But travel trouble in London is about as astonishing as the return of the Mitchell brothers to Albert Square. Well-trodden, dull as dish water, I considered how to inject some life into the subject. Damp outside, I didn’t want to leave my desk, sure that my faithful friend, the internet, would come to my rescue. Surely forums and message boards would offer up a world of plucky commentators ready to feed me with up-to-the-minute incisive critiques on the state of our capital’s transport system?

Half an hour trawling the web unearthed a poisonous bed of bile and vitriol aimed squarely on the jaw of London transport. Fantastic. But had the headlines hit on people’s real concerns?

Right from the start, complaints weren’t tallying with the headlines. A number of people were carping about eye-contact on the tube. Unfriendly, impersonal city? Perish the thought. To an extent, looking at other people can lead to unwanted attention but also to unexpected amusement. When a Brad-a-like stepped on the bus the other day and me and four or five other female passengers caught each others' eyes, it was all smiles. Apparently Tom Cruise might not like being looked in the eye but I think the rest of us should get over it.

Many bus passengers, unhappy about the roadside ticket machines were slighting Ken. Of course, the machines are rubbish! Ken wants us all to take five minutes to get an Oyster Card. And those of you who can’t handle the Oyster, don’t complain about the queues please, you’re the root cause! But enough of my personal bile and vitriol….

Predictably, Traffic wardens took a good metaphorical kicking, but internet users real object of hate were loud Aussies on the tubes and buses. Always a point of contention, our Antipodean cousins either inspire loathing or love. Loud and brash, but fun and friendly. Give them a chance I say, but try not to be there when they’re making a phone call.

Despite all that’s been going on in transport this month it seemed that people’s biggest hate – or the one they most liked to talk about - was other passengers’ body odour. Now, we’ve all been stuck under an armpit that smells like an old gym towel but, trust me, the air conditioned underground in Barcelona has the same trouble. Sweat happens.

It appears neither the papers nor the legislators are connecting with my pals on the net. With forums, message boards and blogs having more of an influence maybe they should take notice of London’s electronic community.

If they did, next year could see unexplained outbreaks of eye-contact on the Northern Line, record numbers of Australians on buses and trains, and talk of ASBOs for repeat rush hour BO offenders (sniffer dogs to be placed at all major stations).

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