Spam, Spam, Spammity-Spam, Shakespeare, Zorro, Chico and Rasputin

Should he ever find the internal motivation to create it

It's been an amazing year for theatre in London - we began with predictions of the death of the West End, as a resurgent National Theatre swept all before it. We've ended with the National Theatre exiting stage left, tears in its eyes, as the West End’s commercial theatres swept the board at the Evening Standard Awards.

So what have we got to look forward to next year that will compete with the joy of 'Billy Elliot', Ewan MacGregor’s spine-tinglingly sexy turn in 'Guys and Dolls', the incredibly cool Blue Man Group and the grim terror of the Donmar's 'Don Carlos'? And do we have anything that can match the genius of 'Behind the Iron Mask', the remarkable musical that has been hailed as The Worst Show of All Time?

The answer to the second question is a resounding 'Yes'. The select group of musicians to have West End shows based on them is a roster of all-time greats: Queen, Elvis Presley, Buddy Holly, ABBA and, coming soon to a theatre near you... almost-forgotten 80s disco dregs Boney M! Remember Ra-Ra-Rasputin (Russia's greatest love machine)? Remember Rivers of Babylon? Well both these hits (and some others, I imagine) will be featured in a top West End musical 'Daddy Cool', starring MC Harvey of the So Solid Crew (assuming he doesn’t assault any more policemen and end up in jail) and following the same plot outline as Romeo and Juliet. I’m really not making any of this up. 'Behind the Iron Mask' closed so quickly that I never got the chance to see it, but I won't be making the same mistake with 'Daddy Cool'. I'm getting my tickets the minute I have the chance, to see what will surely be the most memorably awful show of all time.

I'm so excited about 'Daddy Cool' that I'm finding it hard to think about anything else, but there are some other great shows on their way. Nicole Kidman is in talks to star in a production of 'Hedda Gabler' in March, the Monty Python musical 'Spamalot' is coming at some point in late summer, and the Royal Shakespeare Company is going to attempt to perform The Complete Works in a single year.

And undoubtedly the most bizarre new development is Andrew Lloyd Webber's plan to cast the lead in his new stage musical of 'The Sound of Music' through a TV series and a public vote organised on the same lines as the 'X-Factor'. I personally can’t wait to see Chico leaping out of his habit to sing 'The hills are alive...'

Anyway, my darlings, a very good friend of mine is directing a show called 'Born to Run' that's touring the South-East at the moment. I'm off to see it tonight in Croydon (shudder), and since she's something of a genius, I'm firmly expecting her to take it to the West End next year and make it a massive hit. Remember, you heard it here first.

Balls Up at Blackheath Bookshop

A rare football signed by members of the victorious 1966 World Cup squad, has been stolen from a Blackheath bookshop. Thieves left with £1000 worth of football memorabilia, including the £195 ball.

After Dark Arts

Forget binge drinking, the London Assembly plans to give Londoners an art attack instead. Late opening galleries and museums are being heralded as the healthy alternative to 24-hour boozing. The plan comes as part of a wider bid to encourage broader after-hours entertainment and also includes later running tubes and more town centre managers.

Staged Break Out

The New Wimbledon Theatre’s stage production of ‘On the Waterfront’ will feature a cast of current prison inmates. Talented actor and convicted drug-dealer, Amir Hezareh, will take the lead alongside 15 fellow prisoners.

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