And a Partridge in a JCB

Who will top the charts this Christmas?

How do you know when Christmas is coming in London? When Shane MacGowan starts singing about being drunk on the office stereo. The festive CD is the signal for journalists like me that the hype is finally giving way to a real holiday spirit among ordinary people.

I’ve been writing about figgy pudding and present ideas for many months now, so I take a while to relax and enjoy Christmas. One debate that always quickens my cynical pulse though is the question – who’ll be Number One at Christmas? We journalists love a gamble.

Every betting shop in the country agrees on the clear favourites – the eventual winners of this year’s thrilling 'X Factor'. Will it be Chico Time this Christmas? I rather hope not. He’s a very likeable chap but represents the most crushingly talent-free end of our modern musical spectrum. Good pecs, though.

Further down the running are bland idols like Westlife, Robbie, and the Sugababes. Also making up the numbers but, thankfully, unlikely to top the charts is Cliff Richards, who has teamed up with the equally dreadful G4. If those guys get to Number One it will be the biggest national disgrace since Mr Blobby.

Fun-loving Tony Christie and Peter Kay are planning a yuletide comeback, along with Take That, but it’s hard to see them triumphing. Crazy Frog has reared his ugly, gurning head again but he won’t be troubling the Top Ten - the kids may have enjoyed annoying us with him but they have moved on.

Perhaps the best outside bet are the England Cricket Team, currently undervalued at 20/1. I’m no fan of novelty Christmas acts but if they can come up with a decent anthem the boys could cash in on the massive goodwill generated by their Ashes triumph. Ooh, I’d like to see Freddie hitting a high note for six.

So far, so predictable. Manufactured pop and out-of-date idols, with actual artists like Eminem, Mariah Carey or Coldplay all rank outsiders.

But lo, a strong contender for the Christmas Number One not dreamed up by tired and emotional record executives...

Ladbrokes are currently offering 3/1 on Niplozi to take the festive top-spot with ‘JCB Song’. Last I checked, the odds were still dropping and my ten pounds at 35/1 were starting to look good value. Come on chaps!

I like these guys, and not just because they’re about to pay for my Christmas shopping. I like them because they’re a pub band who didn’t even have a record deal until they exploded all over the internet. Their charming ditty about riding home on Dad’s JCB, holding up traffic, was animated by a friend and became one of the hottest links on the world wide web. Now pre-orders for the track are making them look like a good bet to be Number One on Jesus’s Birthday.

The song is a simple, rather emotional ditty about father-son bonding, with real emotional resonance, but what pleases the public most is the deceptively simple animation and un-pop sensibility of the song. It’s a home-grown classic.

If Niplozi do triumph it will not be the first Number One generated by the internet. The Arctic Monkeys recently held the top spot for a number of weeks with ‘Bet You Look Good on the Dancefloor’, a tune promoted entirely through live performance and the net.

It really pleases me to see musicians using the web. No prizes for guessing it would be hip indy acts, not record company stiffs, who realised that the internet could revolutionise their audience. Sure, you’re going to lose money to illegal downloads, but what about a Christmas Number One generated from nothing but goodwill? Eh?

Let’s raise a glass to the power of the web. Bringing music to new ears and enriching all our lives, and rewarding talent with huge audiences. If this pair of pub musicians can turn the music industry inside out again this Christmas, it will do us all a lot of good.

To see what all the fuss is about, Google ‘JCB Song’.

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