January Bites

The month of being skint and doing nothing

“Money, money it’s the root of all evil”



Horace Andy sang - the line tellingly pilfered from the Bible. If that’s really the case, we have just passed through the most malevolent month of the year. I would have to borrow some limbs to count the number of times I’ve been told this past month that Christmas has become an enormous, sickening, greedy, glutinous orgy of commercialism. Jesus would be turning in his grave, if he hadn’t risen from the dead.



I must confess, I am as guilty as anyone else – having spent more this year on presents, parties and festive drinks than at any time previously in my not unindulgent life. There just seem to be more people to buy for and they deserve bigger and better things. But it’s not just about the gifts – December is a month to loosen the belt-buckle, to forget about sliding into those hipsters, and to treat yourself and those around you. Frittering your money over the Christmas period is OK – I plan to spend Boxing Day at the races and squander all the money I receive from relatives on charmingly named horses. A small part of me wishes someone would give me some sage advice to halt my gambling in its tracks, but it’s great fun, just part of the annual blow-out, isn’t it?



All and sundry were getting in on the act. Robert De Niro was spotted at the Windsor Castle Pub in Notting Hill splashing £5000 on some festive cheer for the delighted locals. The dreadful penguin-napping of poor Toga from a zoo on the Isle of Wight had the all-but-forgotten Black Sabbath bassist - ‘Geezer’ - whipping out his cheque book and offering a £5000 reward and an anonymous donor £10,000 (De Niro again?). Would this flurry of generosity have happened at any other time of year?



All this tosh about buying people a load of stuff they don’t want or need really needs a rethink. I NEED my Estee Lauder mascara, I can’t afford it on my lowly salary. Christmas is simply a great time to enjoy those luxuries you wouldn’t otherwise allow yourself, and to show your friends and family how thoughtful you are.



This January we’ll all have breakdowns about our haemorrhaged bank accounts, curse our protruding bellies, then stay in, only venturing out for torturous sessions at the gym. Of course, there’s the temptations of the January sales to contend with (it really is the cheapest time of year to buy clothes…) and you might have to renew your gym membership, but at least everyone’s skint, nothing’s going on, and no-one’s going out. There’s a certain camaraderie about the austerity of January, just as there is with the excess of Christmas. And you can’t have one with out the other.

Phony photo dupes gamer

One eager Londoner, desperate to snap up some Christmas bargains, reportedly spent £470 on a photograph of an Xbox on auction website Ebay. The scammed shopper now joins the ranks of other gullible bargain-hunters taken in by misleading descriptions on the site.

Second Nelson Vetoed

London Mayor, Ken Livingstone’s bid to install a bronze statue of Nelson Mandela in Trafalgar Square has been quashed by the Office of the Deputy Prime Minister after a series of appeals. The ruling said that the symmetrical layout of the North Terrace was unsuitable for the statue and that the "uncluttered and calm nature" of the space would be unacceptably compromised by its installation.

Money for Old Boat

The Heritage Lottery Fund has offered the Cutty Sark Trust £13 million towards the ship's restoration. The historic vessel will be raised on a glass canopy with an exhibition hall located under the great hull. Previous plans to erect a bubble over the attraction while work was finished were panned by English Heritage chiefs.

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