Curvaceous Border

The Chelsea Flower Show gets its Hands Dirty

As much as I covet a bunch of blooms, I’ve never really taken that much interest in West London’s annual floral fiesta. To me the Chelsea Flower Show smacks of privilege, dowdiness and ennui. I don’t think I know anyone in London who has the time or money to worry about their garden. Who actually has a garden, apart from the housewives of Chelsea?

But enough of my deep-seated jealousy. The Chelsea Flower Show has always possessed a bit more glitz than the average horticultural get-together, thanks to its Royal patronage and exclusive postcode. All the same the idea of an afternoon mooching around some doubtlessly fairly pleasant gardens, surrounded by the landed gentry, sounds ok, just a little dull. But against all (my) expectation this year’s show has actually turned out to be a hot bed of excitement, controversy and - dare I say it - titillation.

The centrepiece of the 4Head 'Garden of Dreams' is a 12ft long living sculpture of grass and plants depicting a naked woman, asleep on the ground. If that wasn’t enough to set a few pensioners’ pulses racing, they were then confronted by the real thing. Former model and naturist Sheridan Ritchie is to be found scampering about the Cancer Research garden with nothing but a watering can to hide her dignity for the duration of the show. We’re not just talking Charlie Dimmock’s erect nipples here – this is full blown nudity. It's all in a bid to highlight the dangers of skin cancer, apparently. It strikes me that they’ve given the poor usual visitors no time to adapt – they didn’t even smooth the passage with the sculpture one year, followed by the whole shebang the next. I certainly expect a few middle-class eyebrows to be raised.

Just like the infamous calendar that brought the WI out into the cold, so to speak, this year’s show has tried to demonstrate that gardeners know how to let there hair down too. Gardening has been making the tentative steps to acceptability, trying to get youthful and dynamic for a while now. Look at all the shows on TV – old favourites like Gardeners’ World have given way to make-over merchants Garden Invaders, and the all-conquering Ground Force. No one’s touting a horti-cool-tral movement yet, but we’re not far off.

I’m all for the bare flesh, why not? It’s nice to see the patrons of the Chelsea Flower Show getting a bit of excitement for once. But if I am to attend next year, I want to see equal opportunities – naked men dotted strategically around the show gardens would be a vast improvement. Yes, I know we’re the fairer sex, but I’m a modern girl.

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