Predatory Pelicans and Happy Woodland Folk

In defence of London's least-loved wildlife

I assume you’ve all seen that photo of the pelican swallowing the pigeon in St. James’ Park? It was greeted with howls of laughter by most of my friends. Partly this was because the pigeon looks so weirdly comfortable in there, as if it were just taking its weight of its wings, but mostly it was a result of the general loathing in which London’s ‘flying rats’ are held.

I think the pigeons are a bit hard-done-by. It’s one thing to be disgusted by the sight of a bird pecking at the overspill from somebody’s binbag, quite another to want the poor thing to be eaten by a pelican (“kicking and flapping the whole way down” according to eyewitnesses).

And it’s not like we’re exactly overrun by wildlife in this city. The queen may be able to look out of her window at the pelicans in the pond (a gift to Charles II from the Russian ambassador, fact-fans!), but for the rest of us, it’s strictly a matter of rats, squirrels, foxes and those pigeons. The rats are obviously repellent, and, though I love watching the loping grey silhouettes of a family of urban foxes as I return from a night out, they’re anti-social in all kinds of other ways. That screeching noise sends shivers down my spine – it’s far too human for comfort – and combined with the smell, it’s enough to make me glad that we’ve banned hunting, and they should all be able to migrate back to the country now, to reassume their natural place as peaceful leaders of the happy woodland folk (that is how it works, isn’t it? Everything I know about the countryside, I learnt from ‘The Animals of Farthing Wood’).

Which leaves us with the squirrels – who are, I must admit, unassailably cute, even when they’re rifling through the contents of my wheelie-bin – and those much-maligned pigeons, who don’t do much harm to anybody. There is a certain amount of poo to put up with, of course, but it’s not like you’d be eating your dinner off London’s spotless paving stones if it wasn’t there. And just try, if you can, to imagine the city without them – a lifeless, motionless skyline, the streets devoid of non-human activity, and chicken shashlick off the menu at kebab shops throughout the capital. Like it or not, these seedy scavengers are as much a part of London’s geography as the dome of St. Paul’s.

So next time Mayor Ken proposes wiping out the pigeons, as he has already done in Trafalgar Square, in defiance of the wishes of Mary Poppins fans everywhere, I think we should try to launch some serious opposition. Apart from anything else, I really don’t fancy seeing the photos if that pelican is forced to switch to a squirrel diet.

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