Avoiding iContact

The Tube network gets its own social network

While I must confess to being as hooked on Facebook as everybody else, I still find the social networking phenomenon slightly disturbing. When I started receiving abusive messages about an article I’d written (on the subject of South London, and clearly intended to be taken ironically) it occurred to me that you have to be VERY careful indeed. A group of artist friends of mine are currently engaged in a project where they are stalking some poor teenager in Iowa, creating a completely false network of friends using fake Myspace pages and doctored photos, using the information on her site to insinuate themselves into her life.

And this week, I discovered a social networking website of such jaw-dropping stupidity that I felt obliged to sign up immediately (under a false name, of course). Have you ever had the experience of finding yourself on the same tube carriage as somebody you half know and don’t really like, but are obliged to make polite chit-chat with for an entire 40-minute journey? Well, the catchily named Onthesametrack.co.uk offers you the unique chance to do that EVERY SINGLE DAY.

That’s right! It’s a social networking website where you can meet people travelling on the same commute as you. You can even specify a carriage, or spot on the platform where you’ll be standing, just to make absolutely certain you never get to read your book in peace again.

So far, browsing the site, it seems to be absolutely infested with the people you most hate to travel with. The woman who stands blocking off the corridor between the seats, and tuts loudly when you push past? She’s there, and looking angrier than ever. The guy in a white Carhaart jacket who sings along to his iPod? He’s even listed all his favourite music on the site, as if you hadn’t heard it already. Oh, and remember that bloke whose hand always accidentally presses against your bottom in the rush hour crush? Well, he was the first to sign up. He’s wondering if you’d like to go for a drink sometime.

For that’s the thing that makes Onthesametrack not just bad, but surreally awful: it’s also a dating website. Somebody should explain to these people that a successful blind date is seldom improved by going to work together the next morning; and if you hate each other, you’ll really hate sharing a carriage every day for the next two years.

My worry is that if the loathsome cretins who have signed up for this site start making friends with each other on the Tube, they might try to make friends with me. Imagine a carriage where all the most irritating passengers are chatting merrily away, or whispering sweet nothings surrounded by a post-coital glow. What if they started breeding? The trains might soon become full of their dismal banter.

If we wanted to talk to our fellow passengers, we’d talk to them. As it is, we don’t even make eye contact – and there are good reasons for this. I say we track down everybody who’s signed up for this insidious website (they won’t be hard to find, after all), confiscate their Oyster cards, and then we can finally travel in absolute quiet, undisturbed by contact with our fellow Londoners.

Wembley Warm-up

Football fans, keen to witness the new Wembley Stadium host its first competitive match, paid up to £500 on eBay for tickets to watch the friendly between England and Italy’s Under 21s on March 24th. The 60,000-strong crowd saw the two teams draw 3-3 in a test fixture that heralds the stadium’s long-awaited FA Cup final on the 19th May.

Waterloo and Chatty

Passengers on London’s Waterloo & City line will be able to use their mobile phones on platforms and in tunnels as of April next year. Transport for London unveiled the 6-month pilot scheme which, if successful, will be extended to all lines along with wireless internet access and DAB radio.

Take That Take on West End

First Abba, then Queen, now Take That - the Brit Award-winning boy band have been chosen as the latest inspiration for a new West End musical. Following the fictional story of a Take That tribute band, ‘Never Forget’ will include classics such as ‘Relight my Fire’, ‘Back for Good’ and ‘Babe’.

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