Smoked out

A recent proposal from the Ministry of Health is set to add an exciting new level to what is already the most entertaining misunderstanding between Brits and Americans. ‘Can I bum a fag?’ is a fairly alarming question to pose one of our American cousins and usually prompts a response about personal choice, civil liberties and so forth. ‘I’m just popping outside to smoke a fag’ is one better, and American visitors to London after the smoking ban takes hold will no doubt find themselves in a country plagued by frequent, random hate crimes.

Puns aside, there are more serious consequences to the legislation. Perhaps the most curious feature is the attempt to preserve the atmosphere of the old, independent local pubs that might risk losing all their customers. To help save these nicotine-stained boozers, which seldom offer any solid food apart from crisps and peanuts, the ban makes an exception for anywhere that doesn't serve 'food prepared in a kitchen'. In other words, you’re only allowed to smoke in a pub if it's guaranteed that you won't be having any nutritious food with your Stella and your Marlboros.

The anti-smoking lobby has complained about this compromise and most smokers are also in favour of a total ban, since they all want to quit anyway. This easygoing acceptance is likely to disappear quite rapidly when the ban actually takes effect, along with their slim figures and their fingernails. As someone who quit the hard way, without help from government legislation, I will be enjoying their pain.

The people who are most strongly opposed to a change in the law seem to be the non-smoking teetotallers of the civil rights movement. Irritating though they are, I can kind of see their point. Through non-payment of fines, there will be people who end up in jail just for lighting up in the wrong place. Using the criminal justice system to stop people smoking seems a bit excessive, like using a brick to swat a fly.

However, I would not fancy using that argument to somebody whose asthma stopped them from enjoying most of London’s nightlife, to someone who was forced to work in the horribly smoky conditions of a London pub or to anyone who had lost a relative to the effects of cigarettes. We call it close, cosy, and atmospheric now, but I suspect that in the not-too-distant future, we will be disgusted by the choking smoke and yellow stains that characterise so much of London's nightlife. I hope I won’t offend anyone when I say that I am looking forward to a London with no fags.

Art Attacked

London’s museums are coming under attack by sophisticated art thieves operating to order. In mid-October the Victoria and Albert sheepishly announced the loss of around £60,000 of Chinese jade (9 pieces in all) in what appeared at the time to be an opportunistic piece of smash and grab. However, a few days later, 15 small Chinese decorative artifacts were stolen from the Hotung Gallery of Oriental Antiquities at the British Museum. The thief or thieves appear to be stealing to order and it is unlikely that the pieces are still in the country.

Cutty Sunk

Conservationists could dismantle the world's only surviving tea clipper unless funds can be raised for repairs. The Cutty Sark Trust has applied to the Heritage Lottery Fund for a £11.75m grant as part of a £25m project to save the ship. However, the historic vessel could be closed to the public and then dismantled if immediate action is not taken. Anne Somerset, spokesman for the trust said: “A ship is not meant to be propped up for 50 years”. If no funding is found the ship will become unstable in its current state and would have to be dismantled to prevent an accident. Under proposals to restore the ship, a giant inflatable bubble would shield the ship from the elements while it is stripped for repair work to safeguard the boat’s corroding iron frame.

A right Royal Debacle

The controversial Diana Memorial Fountain in Hyde Park has been persistenly plagued with problems and is to be closed once again for the addition of further safety measures. Shortly after its opening in the summer it was closed amid severe health and safety fears. In its first two weeks three visitors were taken to hospital by ambulance after they slipped on the fountain’s wet granite. Metal bars are now to be fitted under the footbridges over the £3.6 million fountain to prevent children from getting caught underneath. At the outset the fountain was to be a place where children could play, however, after the implementation of the new measures people will not be allowed to walk or run in the water. A royal spokesman said the work will be done “after Christmas” and will be completed “as quickly as possible”.

Previouse article

 

Next article