Mi casa es su casa - and Tesco's

Supermarket chain set to build four mini-villages in London

The Tesco in Hammersmith is amongst my worst spots in London. In fact, Tesco full stop features right up there on my places-to-avoid-at-all-costs list. For starters, the food is pretty shoddy - the Waitrose Essential range is just as cheap and far tastier - but on the whole, Tesco is a Petri dish for broken Britain.

But this isn't a column about the quality of wares on supermarket shelves (watery 2-for-1 chicken, anyone?) or the quantity of people pushing their trolleys in between; this, believe it or not, is a piece about the housing market.

Yes, this is news that Tesco are to diversify from retail and move into homebuilding with the decision to construct what the papers are calling four "mini-villages" around London.

Last month Lambeth Council gave the green light for Tesco to build 200 homes, a bus depot and an ice rink in Streatham. Next month, according to The Times, approval will be granted for the 400 homes, primary school, hotel and park Tesco plans to build in Bromley-by-Bow, close to the Olympic Park.

Britain's biggest supermarket is also in advanced talks with Dartford Borough Council over a development of around 1,000 homes, while details are being finalised regarding the construction of 900 homes, a library and a civic centre in Woolwich.

These "mini-villages" - Tesco refutes the name - will create a thousand more jobs, with a spokesman stressing: "Through innovative mixed-use developments we are able to invest in areas that many other developers cannot and will not." The plans are not just relevant to the south-east and will be rolled out nationwide.

So, what are the possible outcomes for these mini-vill… sorry, these mixed-use developments? Well, one scenario is this: a Tesco employee is desperate to get on the property ladder and fancies living closer to work; through iSold, Tesco's estate agent service, he/she finds a home in one of these new complexes, securing a mortgage through Tesco's banking arm and decking it out with Tesco products (including a fridge stocked with Tesco food) bought on one of Tesco's credit cards. Give it a few years and his/her children would be taught the Tesco Curriculum at the local school while enjoying the leisure facilities at the local Tesco Gym.

Is it just me or is there a hint of the Truman Show in here? In fact, the whole charade is a blend of The Prisoner (the recently remade 60s British TV series) and the satirical thriller The Stepford Wives. Throw in a bit of Ray Bradbury's Fahrenheit 451, a dollop of The Matrix and the brainwashing scene from A Clockwork Orange, and you get a world where one corporation is not only tightening its grip on the economy, but also strengthening its hold on the everyday decisions and livelihood of society.

It's not just us here at LondonTown who feel a bit wary. A spokesman from the New Economics Foundation told The Times: "There's a sense that [Tesco] are using their market power to dominate aspects of the economy. There is a need for more affordable housing but there is a danger with Tesco's moves. If they provide the mortgage, if they act as estate agent, if they provide a credit card, if they sell you a house, they will end up with more personal information about you than the Government."

More often than not, it's reading the user comments underneath online newspaper articles that provide the most food for thought. "So, tired of fighting locals who don't want a Tesco in their neighbourhood, Tesco decides to build its own villages, each one complete with a Tesco store. You couldn't make it up," writes one reader.

"Will they be doing a buy-one-house, get-one-free offer?" asks another, sniffing out an opportunity. Indeed, how long will it be before other retail giants join the fray? I can hear it already: "This isn't just any old house. This is a semi-detached, red brick, two storey, M&S house, complete with verdant garden and succulent views."

And given their increasing power, how long will it be before Tesco form part of any hung Parliament heading our way? As one online comment suggested: "They will control every aspect of our lives soon. The coming election is pointless! We will live in a retail-based dictatorship."

Of course, it's very easy to lampoon Tesco's proposed plans and dismiss the idea out of hand. On an entirely ascetic and business note, it's hard seeing the "mini-villages" being a commercial success. Such concepts rarely make an impact - just look at the ill-feted "Chelsea Village" complex of Chelsea FC-themed hotels, apartments, bars and restaurants around Stamford Bridge.

But, as the Wall Street Journal argues, Tesco's plan could prove an excellent working model in getting a rich corporation, hungry to open new stores, to provide facilities that are either non-existent or have been run-down due to lack of public or private sector funding.

In this case, it's a win-win situation: a boon for local communities and further growth for Tesco. That said, the dangers of market monopolies are all too apparent, not to mention the fear of creating another Big Brother-type environment.

Maybe Tesco should go one step further and build on their ostensible social conscience by thinking about solving the pensions crisis with the creation of a series of nationwide retirement villages instead? That may win them votes on 6th May...

Houston, you have a problem

You'd think with £24 million of Paul McCartney's money lining her pockets Heather Mills would be able to afford concert tickets herself. Not so, it seems. The former model - identifying herself as "Heather from Hove" - entered a Heart FM phone-in this month and won a pair of tickets for one of Whitney Houston's shows at The O2 Arena. The show itself, perhaps rather predictably, was panned by the critics, with audiences walking out after the 46-year-old singer repeatedly failed to hit her famous high notes. This comes at a time when top stars such as Houston, the comedian Ricky Gervais and the RnB artist Rihanna are struggling to sell out shows at top arenas due to the economic downturn. With ticket prices so exorbitant, maybe it's no surprise that even millionaires like Mills are feeling the pinch.

Business as usual at Earls Court

How many TfL workers does it take to mend an escalator? That's the question on the tongue of ever suffering commuters who use Earls Court tube regularly after yet another engineering disruption was imposed this month closing the downstairs escalator between the District and the Piccadilly lines until "early July 2010". Both upward and downward escalators were closed late last year, supposedly until late November but in fact until February, before being reopened. But even those three months of intensive works appear to have been in vain, with this latest bottleneck-inducing restriction set to last well until the summer. Funnily enough, Earls Court was the first tube station installed with escalators back in 1911. At this rate, there won't be a decent service available when the stop's escalator reaches its centenary next year. Talk about a shambles.

Marathon journey for Mara

Typical: the UK was in the middle of the warmest and sunniest Aprils in recent record but it still managed to rain during the London Marathon. Of course, the cooler weather made it easier for the thousands competing in the 26-mile slog around the capital, but as a spectacle watched all round the world, a little sun wouldn't have gone amiss. Anyway, spare a thought for Britain's Mara Yamauchi, who finished 10th but only after a struggle of epic proportions simply to make it to the starting post. The air travel ban brought about by Iceland's volcanic ash meant the 36-year-old athlete needed six days to get to London from her New Mexico training base, 6,500 miles away. A combination of taxis, hire cars, trains and a four-seater propeller plane got Yamauchi to Blackheath (via Colorado and Paris) just in time - but any chance of building on her second place last year had gone up in smoke.

Previouse article

 

Next article